How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
