I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
