Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
