I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
