I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
