Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
