you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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