No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize