whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
