she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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