Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
