the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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