Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
