You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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