I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize