Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize