I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
