Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
