I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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