HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
