susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
