1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My dick has a subreddit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
