and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
