ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found your dick twin last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
