I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
