tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
