White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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