During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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