I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
