If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dear god my vagina.
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