why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
