so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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