Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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