I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
