Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
