is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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