I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
there is glitter all over my balls
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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