i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
