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My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
