Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
