I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
