a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize