So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
