Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
