i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
