i was born a porn star she said
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
