too bad you live with your parents still
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
