he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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