Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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