I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
