This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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