So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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