Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
