mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
