Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
