my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
