Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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