My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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