I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
