That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize