I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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