I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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