I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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