Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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